then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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