yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
