Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
