last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
