i think my mom watched the whole time
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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