The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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