i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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