We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The uberlube is also flammable
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
