I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
