Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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