no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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