I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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