morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We need a shit load of segways right now
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
