dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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