i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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