Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
