I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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