My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
