Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
