It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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