Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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