I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize