when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
