i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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