Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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