There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
