Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My dick has a subreddit
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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