My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
