I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
