I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
