I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
