I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
