I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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