I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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