I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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