They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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