I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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