no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
