Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
