It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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