So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
