When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
