It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
