i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
