can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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