So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's shark week go big or go home
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize