He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
