Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
