why didn't you poke me back
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't put those talents on a resume
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
