Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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