Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
