ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
