He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize