I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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