"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
