The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
