He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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