So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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