My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
