I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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