I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
