got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
