sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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