4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
