I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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