I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
