thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
