Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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