Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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