the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
