where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
