I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
