Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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